If anyone was to ask Big Fella what's the thing Karen most goes on about he'd say "Head Space."
The solution to this, I got a laptop.
I have to say, I've been avoiding this for quite some time, my reason being, I love my writing space. It's the only room in the house that's de-childrened constantly. If my 3 year old even puts his hand on the handle I'm screaming, but now I have a laptop and I'm just not sure.
My homelife is busy and chaotic. I don't have the time to spend writing like I used to, and since I'm already splitting myself several ways, having a laptop does means I can sit with Big Fella on an evening and also write, but I have to admit, being in my office is the preferred option; it has my storyboard, books, pictures, everything that inspires me when I write, it is my private space - my head space.
And I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Virginia Woolf in A Room of One's Own wrote "A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." and how fantastic if we could. I haven't always been fortunate enough to have a room of my own. For years I wrote out of my bedroom, then an icy cold damp infested room in student digs, a corner in the living room, and my lap, and even now having an office may sound good, but as Julie Myserson once said, "The kids know not to disturb me, but they'd stand outside the door doing endoidol toddler breathing."
This sentiment rings very true to me.
See, having the space is one thing, but having the Head Space is something different altogether.
On a recent trip to St Ives in Cornwall Big Fella and I were discussing the possibility of downsizing our house and what space could we afford to lose. I immediately volunteered to have my office under the stairs, because I'm learning since having 2 kids having a room of one's own is just the beginning - finding time to use it is another.
Time is my enemy when it comes to this. Grabbing half an hour here or there just doesn't suffice for me. I need focus. I quickly lose my train of thought if I'm interrupted by a blaring TV or one of the kids crying. I find the work I produce on my laptop in the living room with Big Fella opposite me and the TV on very poor compared to being in my office, and so I'm having to compromise again.
I now realise I cannot work with the kids around, office or no office. The compromise is I spend time with the kids until bedtime, and then write. This may be after 8pm, but that's how it is for Karen Roderick, the writer, I've also allocated myself writing "slots"; I work either a Tuesday, Wedenesday,Thursday, never a Friday or a weekend, they are strictly family times. It's taken some getting used to, but juggling a young family means I've had to change my selfish ways - and they are selfish. I used to think writing is a lonely profession, and it is I guess, but I don't see it as being on my own, I've got my characters with me all the time; it's a weird but priviledged position to be in.
But there are some things that haven't changed and possibly I can't compromise on; my head space. They may be small shallow things, but I need a lamp, my music (I wrote "A Love That Makes Life Drunk" soley to Classis FM; and my newest work to Nerina Pallot's "Fires"). I need to be surrounded by books, especially the one I'm currently reading as you can guarantee it's the one most inspiring me at that time; magazines for clothes, food, drink and travel, plenty of pens and notepads stacked up around me and a cup of tea or coffee, possibly a glass of white wine (depending how seriously I want to write!)
And I know I can't take this "package" on holiday with me, so I condense it by taking a picture of my storyboard and printing it, slot it into my current notebook, take my latest read and a couple of pens; music is always around me as is a brew.
So why then do I find this space so important if I can wrap it up in a notepad? I thought a laptop would solve my time and space crisis, but it hasn't (although I do adore my lovely laptop, for e-mails and Facebook and on the go, it's brilliant!), but if I can take you back to the beginning, it's not really about the "space", I guess for me, it's about having the room to think, write and create and these days I just can't do it like I used to.
Yours frustrated
K x
(originally written in February 2009 under "This Girl's a Creator")
